Thank you, Marina Keegan

If you have not yet picked up a copy of Marina Keegan's "The Opposite of Loneliness", stop reading this and go do it NOW! 

If you are not sure who Marina Keegan is, google her story. It is sad, inspirational, and sad some more.

But one thing that I just cannot shake-- just how much Marina and I are the same. Not in looks, personality, writing techniques (she went to YALE and had a job at the NY Times. She was freaking FAB!), but in the way that we had a lot of the same thoughts and that she actually wrote them down. She has made me feel like I am not CRAZY! 

Do you sometimes feel like you are the only who thinks this, that, or another thing? Well let me tell you, you are probably NOT (there are other crazy people out there in the world just like YOU!)

Marina's "The Opposite of Loneliness" essay and her Nonfiction writing of "Stability in Motion" hit so close to come to me it is indescribable (but I am going to try anyways).

Marina did not know she was going to get killed five days after her college graduation, so she wrote "The Opposite of Loneliness" like she was going to live forever. She writes about how scared she was not to have the security of her friends like she had at Yale. "losing this web" and "this elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness." This is the feeling, she says, that she was feeling at that moment. Just days before her final breath, her last blink and sigh. "I plan on having fun when I'm old.", Marina writes, and speaks of "what if", "wish I'd" and "if I'd" topics. Things that we ALL have pondered many times. 

Marina goes on to write, "We're so young. We're so young. We're twenty-two years old. We have so much time." But the truth is, Marina did not. 

She ends her essay with "We don't have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I'd say that's how I feel at Yale. How I feel right now. Here. With all of you. In love, impressed, humbled, scared. And we don't have to lose that."

I mentioned earlier another piece of Marina's writing called "Stability in Motion". This is piece she wrote about her first car. Yes, her first car. She had this "relationship", emotional, with her first car. Call her crazy, but I am and was the same way. She describes this car in ways that you would think she had some weird obsession and maybe needed to go see a shrink about it, but it just shows that, to her, it was just about four wheels that got her from home to her best friend's house- it was so much more than that. 

This is how Marina lived her life and that is how I live mine. She had so much more emotion in her life than I would say the average person does. She felt everything and her imagination ran wild. She lived her life. She lived 22 years and she LIVED them. 

Her nonfiction stories are all different, weird, sad, awkward, and inspiring that you would not believe they all came from one mind. But they did and I want to thank Marina so much for this. 

Thank you, Marina, for having an ambitious, wild, fantastic, weird, truthful imagination. 

Now, I know that my blog isn't a "book review" blog, but if I inspired you to read her book, then great. If I bored you, then well, tough luck because you are really missing out.

We are SO YOUNG.

3 F's: Fiance's, Financial's, & Futures!

It has been a long time since I wrote last and I would like to state that more has happened to me since June 2013 since I was brought in to this world. 

1. I bought a house.
2. I met a man. (thanks, Mark Esber.)
3. I fell in love with this man.
4. I moved in with this man.
5. I got engaged to this man. (no, mom, I am not going to die alone!)
6. We combined finances.
7. I am going back to school.

(this is NOT in the order of importance- not to me OR my mother.)


PHEW!

All of this happened to me within 2 months of making the hard decision of moving back to North Canton, OH and leaving my beloved city of Chicago, IL. All of my dreams are coming true when I LEAST EXPECTED and in a city I thought I would never truly find happiness.

I was 23 when I bought the house; TWENTY-THREE PEOPLE! You can too! The feeling is unlike anything else. Sitting in your realtor's office (also, in this case, your realtor is your matchmaker and is the one who introduces you to your future fiance) bored out of your mind because for 2 hours he is talking about mortgages, finances, and land rights, all the while you are thinking about what color you are going to paint your bedroom and what kind of wine you are going to buy to celebrate this huge accomplishment.

I am going to be cliche for a moment, so just bare with me...

Here it goes..

 WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW! 

I am living, breathing, dancing, singing, sleeping proof of this. I met Nathan in July and by September we were basically living together and in November we went ring shopping and in December we were engaged.

I. Just. Knew.

(cue the doves)

We combined our finances (ballsy, we know, we get it) in March and are currently taking a financial class together and it has been the best decision we have made so far. RECOMMENDED PEOPLE!

Oh, and I am going back to school to be an english teacher- score!




Why, Tracy, did you find it necessary to catch us up on your dull life? All 3 of us that read your blog want to read about "important", "fun", and "anything else besides your life" topics. You are right. My fault, but whatever- I am happy, so much has changed, and I felt the need to update the public on all 7 major accomplishments that have occurred to me since the last time I wrote it.



This is the paragraph where I promise to write "daily" or "more"and I want to. I love this blog, I love writing, so I am going to start with writing myself a Post-It that says "BLOG!"



:)

One Person Is All It Takes

I met one incredible lady today who gave me the inspiration and hope I have been searching for for all of my twenty-three years and I must thank God for sending her into my life.

I attended a job-fair this morning where I ran my own booth for the company I work for (Mancan.. look us up)! This lady, Marie, was placed right next to my booth with her own booth representing her cleaning & restroration company. We were both there for the same reason- to advertise our company, gain exposure, and scope out the competition. I had a few people come visit my table, I gave them the information they wre looking for, and they went on to the next table. After about an hour and five visitors later, Marie and I started chatting. It turns out she knows my parents because they have the same type of business as my dad.

Something most people do not know about me is I have a lot of big dreams and hopes. I would love to write a book someday. My friend and I have a plan to maybe one day open a wine bar and although we may just talk about it from time to time, it is something that I am passionate about and hope to actually do one day. I don't know what came over me today, maybe it was the good Lord above, or maybe it was the cup of coffee (my first cup EVER by the way) I just inhalled, or maybe it was just because I was bored and wanted someone to talk to, but I decided to tell this Ms. Marie my dreams and hopes. I was waiting for her to laugh at me, tell me "oh yeah that is cool. OKay, so anyways..." Instead I received a response that shocked me. "You should do that. You CAN do that." And she just went on. I. Was. In. Shock.

Here is a lady who does not know me from Eve and she is telling me how much she believes in me because I seem like the type of girl who can do this and she wants to see me succeed and she would be honored to be a part of that.

For the few minutes we talked and exchanged stories with each other I felt like I could do anything I put my mind to and if you've never experieneced that sensation, you need too. Having someone, even a complete stranger, believe in you is the best feeling. Was I plaed on this earth to have a desk job, help those who need jobs find them and that is it? Maybe, and if that is so then so be it but I want to believe that there are bigger and better things out there for me and no one but myself can stop me from finding out.

Thank you, Marie, for believing in me. You were stranger to  me just a few hours ago and now you will forever be that person who gave me the push I needed. Even if we never meet again, you are someone I will never forget.

Also, if you are reading this-- if you ever need help getting your blog up and running, you have my number! :)

To everyone else that is reading this, to those who have dreams and hopes;  I BELIEVE IN YOU.  I may be a stranger, someone you sat next to you in 10th grade Biology, or even one of your best friends. Whoever you are and wherever you are, I believe in you and want you to go after your dreams like I want to and will go after mine.

Maybe I'm Not Crazy

If you were to meet me and get to know me, one thing you would learn very quickly is that I love to read. Besides writing, reading is one of my other biggest passions. Although, I do believe if you are a writer at heart, you are more likely to be a reader at heart, too. So I guess this may not be a big surprise to, well, anyone!

I love to lose myself in a great novel for awhile. It is like a vacation from my own life. I am not saying my life is miserable or anything, but it is fun to pretend that you are part of this other life. It is brand-new, exciting, scary, happy, sad, etc.

Girls In White Dresses by Jennifer Close

I just finished the first novel by Jennifer Close called "Girls in White Dresses". After reading this book (in 2 days) I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm not crazy." This book is about a group of girlfriends from school (college, high school, etc) that are all in their 20s. They book goes back and fourth and bounces around from girl to girl through out the 291 pages and was definitely hard to get to use to at first, but when I did, I realized that I am not crazy. Here is this author out there in the world writing about thoughts and feelings I have felt before. Thoughts and feelings that I have had that I swore to myself no one else has ever thought or felt.

The girls in the book are just trying to make it in cities such as Chicago, New York, and Boston. They sit back and watch their other friends get engaged, married, have children; all the while they lose their jobs, have one too may hook-ups & break-ups, and share their stories over lots (& lots) of bottles of wine. One girl is stuck in a dead-end job, the other keeps finding Mr. Wrong. One is in law-school who has no time for anything.

It. Is. Real. Life.

It is so hard to find a book that you can actually relate too. Of course I read 50 Shades of Grey, but how many people can actually relate to that? I LOVED the books, do not get me wrong. I lost myself in them and in Twilight and The Hunger Games, but after I was done reading it I was like well that was good. Not real, but good.

It took me only 2 days (thanks Easter Break) to read Girls In White Dresses and after I finished the last page, I found myself wanting to cry. Why? Well, who really knows. Maybe a therapist? It was real. The book may be fiction, but I could finally relate. The main character didn't find her "perfect soulmate" in chapter 2 and he didn't tell her, "I cannot live a single second without you. You are my world. Mine, always and forever." There was none of that BULL**** in this book. I may live for that sappy- hopeless romantic stuff, but let me tell you, IT ISN'T REAL.

Isabella tells Harrison, "I love you." and he responds, "Good to know." THAT IS REAL. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news chicas, but there are more Harrison's in the world than Edwards, Christian's, and Peeta's.

I found a list of books girls in their 20s should read, and that is where I found this book. I am a girl in her 20s, single, blah blah blah. So clearly I will follow this list, and some others.

If you think sometimes you are just crazy to think this, that, and another thing-- read this book. I promise you, it will make you feel less crazy. I am sure you are still crazy (as most girls are) but it'll take off the edge a little. :)

http://www.retreatbyrandomhouse.ca/2012/08/20-books-read-your-20s/

Are You Judging Me?

Today I decided to take a long run to clear my head. Now, let me advice you, as a writer you do not usually want to "clear your head" with a run. The way you clear your head as a writer is, well, write. But today, I felt like taking advantage of the beautiful sunshine we are having here in Chi-town, and take a run.

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And let me tell you.... It was EXACTLY what the doctor ordered. The view alone is enough to make your bad day turn good!

I have had a rough 48 hours, but I refuse to let anything hold me back and I refuse to let anything stand in my way of chasing my dreams. 

The whole time I was running I could not help but think people were judging me, though. I am no size zero, I am a size eight. Do I wish I was smaller? Absolutely. But right now, I am what I am and I am working on it. But my whole run I felt as if eyes were looking at me like what is this heavier girl doing running. Or every time I would stop to walk, I felt as if I was getting laughed at. 

Then I stopped and though to myself: at least I am out here running. At least I am out here walking. I could have continued laying on my couch watching The Big Bang Theory but instead I got up, got out, and ran. Who knows if all, one, two, or any of the people I saw were judging me, but if you are reading this and judging me, now you know how I feel. I run and I workout. 

The past 5 weeks I have been out here I promised a friend of mine I was turning over a new leaf and becoming the healthier me, and I have. I am buying a lot more organic, eating VERY right, and walking as much as possible. I have not seen any improvements yet, which can be very discouraging, but after running as much and as far as I did today, I know that is it making changes. Just slowly.

I am always taking advice & tips on anything health & fitness. I would love to hear from you!

Now, get out there & be active!

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If I could do this for a living...

I am positive you have come across someone before who has said they have a passion for writing, they want to write a book someday, that writing is how they express themselves. Hi, I am Tracy Steinbach, and I am one of these people. (Hi Tracy...)

My first story I wrote (and still have) was during my 5th grade year. I wrote a Thanksgiving story on two turkey's trying to avoid being Thanksgiving dinner. I will always be proud of that piece of writing as well! Was the piece published? Well no, or clearly I would be a millionaire (rats!) Is it a dream of mine to have something published? Ab-sa-freaking-lutely!

I have started blogs and then I started more blogs and I have finally told myself to calm down and just start and keep up with one! And I must say, just writing this has been the best part of my day (and what a great feeling it is, too!)

I just moved to Chicago a little over a month ago from the Football Hall of Fame City of Canton, Ohio. I moved here on a whim & am now contracting with two companies helping them out with their social media, which is pretty rad!

I am that girl in the (semi) big city exploring her way through life, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, I'd definitely have my family here for sure!